Everybody just keeps on moving on in this crazy, messed up world. That’s all you can do anyways. You keep smiling, you keep moving, you just keep on living. Cause who knows, you might just be the only thing keeping somebody else from stopping. You might be someone’s everything and not even know it. If you stop moving, what’s to keep them from stopping too?
All I’ve done for the last few hours is draw and smoke lots of weed. I’m so lonely tonight.
I keep listening to Tame Impala on repeat.. I want to re-live that moment of seeing them live and jumping around with my beautiful boyfriend.
“We seem to be under the impression that you can graft self-esteem onto your children if you just tell them enough how special they are. The reality is that self-esteem comes out of competence. How do you get confident about something? You get better at it.”
Friends are cool too you know; but usually there is only one person that makes you not feel alone- that covers up your loneliness.
n. the insomnia-borne jolt of awareness that you will die, that these passing years aren’t just scenes from a dress rehearsal, rounds of an ongoing game or chapters in a story you’ll be telling later, but are footprints being lapped by the steadily gathering tide of an unfathomable abyss, which still wouldn’t wash out the aftertaste of all those cigarettes that you smoked just before bedtime.
Awake and alone with my thoughts. This sucks.
I can hear my bed call out my name.
Going through all my year 12 essays and art work. This is the strangest feeling that I’ve come across in ages. Ah this time last year..
I’m floating on this current of pain.
All aboard. Next stop; dizziness
There comes a point where you miss someone so much that you can hear their voice echo in your head. And you can hear the names that they used to call you, the words they used to tell you. You memorized their laugh, their smile, and their silly ways. You can also feel their arms around you and you don’t want to let go even though you know it’s just an illusion. Every time your phone rings, you smile because it’s them that’s calling. Every time you hear their name, your heart beats 100 times faster and sometimes, you can’t even breathe. You knew that looking back on the tears would make you laugh, but you never knew that looking back on the laughs would also make you cry. All you want is to go back in time. not to the time that you first met, to the time that you were known as nothing, but strangers. But no matter what, you’re in denial. You hide your feeling so no one would know. You put on a fake smile and don’t let a single tear break through. You’re so used to hiding your feelings that you don’t even realize the pain you’re causing for yourself. Your thoughts becomes invisible. it’s still there, but no ones knows. Like a love letter you didn’t slow. And you’re hurting no one but yourself.
It feels like my brain has its own heartbeat.